Sometimes you can't learn what to do - and how to react - without experiencing it first. How do you know the water is cold without jumping in? How do you know the tea is hot without sipping it?
And how do you know what to do at work and how to advance your career without actually working?

Take this a step further. How do you know how to handle a micromanager, a volcanic boss who explodes unexpectedly, a tumultuous Board meeting, disastrous performance reviews, angry customers, having to deliver poor performance reviews, choosing the right projects, aligning yourself with the right people, navigating office politics, getting promoted, asking for a raise, etc.?

Advancing your career can be harder for some women than others. Women are wired differently than men - that goes without saying. But because we are, we can make navigating our career and climbing the corporate ladder more difficult than necessary.

In my career, I sought great mentors who guided and steered me - and helped me navigate the rough waters. I also believed - and still do - in learning from women who have scaled the ladder. I seek their advice, study their career paths, listen to their war stories and learn why they soar. I have had the privilege of working with senior female executives, CEOs and Board members for over 20 years. I have partnered with hundreds of women at F500's like Capital One, MasterCard, Aramark, Ascena (Ann Taylor) and Prudential to high profile nonprofits like the American Red Cross and the National Geographic Society. I have also worked with many women from highly successful startups and healthcare have also shared their tips and advice.

I have learned a lot.

Based on my experiences, most women identify 4 things that have helped them most in their careers:

1. Be Open to Feedback

It's natural - we want to innately defend ourselves, our decisions and our outcomes. Women want to do this more than men. Because women need to fight harder for opportunities and recognition, we can become easily defensive. We are taught that being strong can sometimes mean "taking no prisoners". Too often I see women closed to feedback or feeling defensive. It's no wonder - women are constantly criticized and have to fight harder for certain opportunities. But eliminating the grudge opens up a world of possibilities for your career.

In the workplace, being open to feedback (constructive feedback) not only improves how you are perceived (like someone people can work with) but also does help you improve your performance. We all need to be lifelong learners. Learning in the workplace is just as important as learning in an academic environment. The feedback can help you actually progress, strengthen your technical and soft skills, get promoted, choose the right opportunity, work with the right people - and improve how you are perceived - 100x faster than if you are going it alone.

2. Find the RIGHT Mentor

A good mentor will be older (yes older). First, the more experiences they have, the better - the more they can share with you and the more you can learn from their experiences. Second, a good mentor will be highly valued in the organization - not based on position but based on their qualities as a person. Perception is 90% reality and you want to make sure you are highly perceived in the workplace - this leads to promotions and pay raises more than just thinking your performance will stand for itself - cause it won't.  Third, a good mentor will be accessible and actually takes the time to be your mentor. We may want Oprah to be our mentor but she simply doesn't have the time...=) Women sometimes choose mentors who only meet with them 1x a month or a couple of times a year. You want to choose someone who will invest in you.

3. Build Your Tribe

4. Stop Complaining

Remember when I said "perception is 90% reality" - think about how you are perceived when you complain at work.  It ain't positive. Women tend to complain. And that is ok - if it is with your tribe and people you trust. But if it isn't, that negative spreads like wildfire and can damage your reputation. It also damages your self-esteem and self-worth. Constant complaining doesn't help you move forward in your career (or life). Complaining will drag you down like a heavy weight attached to your leg. It will slow down your career progression very quickly. Complain for a little while. But then go for a run, get some wine or hang out with the family and LET IT GO.

The more important reason you shouldn't complain - at work? You won't be perceived as a leader. And to be promoted, you need to be perceived as a leader. This doesn't mean you need to agree with what is happening. You absolutely can disagree and voice your opinions. But it needs to be done in a positive, constructive way.

The Take-Away

Each one on its own can help you more purposely navigate your career, avoid some of the landmines and leapfrog over others to the next step. But together, by learning from others, you will be better able to find the next opportunity, earn a bigger raise, or get the promotion you deserve - and be happier too.