Companies are promoting continuous improvement left and right. And, when done right, this is a phenomenal tool. The feedback is ongoing, timely and constructive. It isn't related directly to a pay increase and employees are more likely to receive the feedback positively.

The important part of this concept is HOW the feedback is given. The feedback needs to be done constructively. In other words, not negatively, not personally, and not detrimental to the team or to a person's psyche. The feedback should focus on the situations, the outcomes, what went well, what didn't, and what to do differently next time.

But....sometimes it's not done well. And....sometimes the feedback is delivered in a negative, horrific and personal way - or is just taken personally - and leaves people feeling deflated. While receiving the feedback, we have an outer body experience. We imagine ourselves leaping across the table and slapping the other person. But, in reality, people sit there and politely nod their heads, pretending to listen and absorb the message.

Fortunately - it gets better. Once the negative comments - the ones that don't help us improve our performance or detract from our ability to actually focus on what to do differently - stop coming, people can actually can turn these situations around. So after you are done imagining keying the person's car, pulling their hair or just screaming, there are ways to rebound and SURVIVE after a disastrous performance review.

Don't do anything at first. That's right - nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Sit there. Agree. Nod. Say "thank you". DO NOT ARGUE WITH THE FEEDBACK. All that does, is prove the person's point. Plus, you need time to process. You need time to separate your emotional reaction from your professional reaction. Somewhere, deep within the negative attack, was probably constructive feedback. You may just have to find it. But you can't find it while you are ready to explode or yell at the top of your lungs. You need to calm down. So take a few days to process.

Once you have a chance to calm down, make 3 lists - the good, the bad and the ugly. In the "ugly" column, write the personal comments that were unhelpful and nonconstructive. Then put that column to bed. Don't refer to it again. This is a personal exercise to help you move on. In the "bad" column, write down what didn't go well - think about the meeting and try and articulate what didn't go well. Take out anything personal. Stay professional. Focus on the project, the process, situation or the outcomes. Then, in the "good" column, write down what actually went well. If you didn't hear anything positive during your meeting, brainstorm a few ideas of your own. Before finishing, jot down ideas for how the "bad" can be fixed and avoided in the future.

Reframe the meeting. This time, tell your manager you have spent time reflecting and would like to confirm what went well and what didn't go well. In this meeting, you will do most of the talking. Share what you heard went badly, plus any new things you added, and also share what you think went well - to make the conversation more positive and to set a positive tone for the future. To build on the momentum of having positive conversations, share your list of how you can fix "the bad" stuff and avoid it in the future. Ask your manager if he/she agrees. Get approval. Your manager will appreciate your thought and initiative and will realize you are learning from the process.

The outcome? You: