Some women earn lots of money.  Gobs of it.  They are highly valued by their companies and they are leaping up the corporate ladder 3 rings at a time.  They are my idols.  These women rock.  They aren't waiting for the government to force companies to "do the right thing".  They take matters into their own hands.

For  some other women, the climb is more of a steady state pace.  Why?  Because relationships trump the outcome. In other words, these women want everyone to feel good about the situation. They focus on the relationships and worry that being "too aggressive" means people won't like them. We want to maintain our relationships and will sacrifice earning a few bucks to make sure everyone is getting along. We want to be liked and respected. 

Women weaken their power to effectively negotiate. And guess what - then we're surprised men make more money.  But men make more because they don't feel the same way.

We've all heard - and read - that women are less confident than men when it comes to negotiating.  I've said many times - it all comes down to leveraging your strengths and knowing how to playing the game.  Knowledge is power.  

Don't start playing the game until you are ready.  You have one chance to make a first impression and it better be a good one.  Take your time and get your resume and LinkedIn profile in top notch condition.  You want to look like a rockstar before they even interview you.

Each company approaches compensation differently.  Before you start discussing compensation, make sure you understand what matters to that company, who the influencers are and what parts of the total package are on the table.  For example, a nonprofit isn't going to have big bonuses so don't focus on that.  And a private company may or may not have equity.  Public companies may have stock options but might not be giving any out.  These are things you need to learn before saying one word.

Guess what?  You don't need to respond right away.  Take your time.  Think. About. It.  For some reason, women feel pressured to respond on the phone (or email or text) ASAP.  Well, don't.  Mull it over.  Phone a friend.  Think and THEN respond.

Ever been on a phone call with absolute silence?  What is the natural reaction - to talk.  So don't!  Let the other person talk.  Just say thank you and nothing more.  You are a million times more likely to learn something important but shutting it.  That's right - shut it.

Compensation is not a one-time discussion - it happens throughout your career at a firm.  So rather than call your prospective employer, schedule an invite.  Ping them.  Make sure there is enough time blocked for the conversation so it can be productive. If you just call, you might get interrupted or find that your prospective manager is not in the right frame of mind to have a personal discussion.  Plus - Don't start with money!!!  Talk about the weather sports, or anything else to develop the relationship.  Then reinforce your excitement at being offered the role. Reiterate the contributions you will bring to the table. Explain how you will contribute to the bottom line.

Before you have any discussions, practice at home.  Role play. It sounds silly but it helps with nerves.  You practice giving a big speech or wedding toast ahead of time - right?  So why not practice what you will say - and how you will say it?  Don't practice what you will TAKE.  Remember - you have no idea what the company will offer.  Just listen and think about it before responding.