Have you ever sat down with your manager and discussed your career? Hopefully, if you are lucky, you have periodic "check in's" to discuss your performance and get a better understanding of what you are doing well and what you need to improve upon to advance.  But it can be a difficult conversation that doesn't always lead to tangible action items.

Did you talk about the things you needed to do to move forward?  It can be  vague, nebulous and hard to really put into concrete actions.  You might hear things like:

1. Create a vision for your team (and then you think to yourself - how? am I not doing that already? how do I do that better?)

2. Communicate more effectively (see #1)

3.  Manage up better (what does that even mean?)

4. Execute more efficiently (did you think you were trying to be inefficient, waste your time, stay late, work 24/7, etc.?)

Everyone is different and you should be hearing different things about what you need to do to advance.  But there is one common trait I see TONS and TONS of women do - and if you can STOP doing this ONE thing, many of the other things you are "working on" will fall into place.  This ONE thing will help you be a more effective, decisive, admired leader.

So what do you need to STOP doing?  What is it?

STOP BEING WISHY WASHY.  

I mean it.  Stop.  Right now.  What I am talking about is when women couch their answers in phrase after phrase to "soften the blow" and by softening it they are weakening their message and therefore their opinions and their positioning.

Let me give you some examples.  Do you start your sentences with "In my opinion" or "based on my experience"?  Think about the following phrase: "I understand your point of view and empathize with your feelings however, I encourage you to think of these alternatives".  And, above all else, try not to start with "It depends...".

TOO SOFT.

Women - too often - try to soften their messages and thereby weaken their message and their power position.  In essence, they become less effective and aren't regarded as a true leader who can develop others or progress to the next level.

Here are some other examples.  If you are asked questions, provide an answer without using phrases such as "I am sorry you feel that way" or "Thank you so much for asking me that.  In my opinion..." or "I see your point of view and the other person's point of view.  Both points are valid..." or "I feel it is important that...".

In essence, women are overly concerned about the other person's feelings rather than giving a direct, definitive answer.  Please not: I am NOT suggesting being aggressive or rude.  There is a way to be direct without being rude. 

For example, if you want to order a latte, you can say "If it's ok with you, I'd like a double mocha latte, etc." which is "wishy washy".  Just leave out the "If it's ok with you..." and you are being more definitive and direct without being rude.

To avoid being wishy-washy, follow these 2 rules:

1.  What I am saying, is this: GET RID OF THE "I" STATEMENTS.

If you are asked a question, answer the question directly.  Provide evidence or support for your reasoning but do not apologize for yourself or for the other person.  Men don't do it and neither should women.

If you aren't sure what I mean, watch women and men you consider highly successful.  Listen carefully to how they respond.  You will notice that they don't apologize for themselves or others.  You will notice they are direct in their answers.

2.  And, more importantly, give an actual answer.  

Simple: Choose 1 flavor, not 2.  Pick a road.  Stick to it.  Don't jump from one side of the street to the other.  Don't say "I could do it this way or that way" or "I am happy with either choice".

Nope.  Nada.  No bueno.  Pick an answer and go with it.

This simple rule - don't be wishy-washy - will help how you are perceived by others and how you perceive yourself.  Watch your confidence grow.