If you've read any of the articles on this blog, you know I believe being responsive is a critical career-maker.  People hate to be kept waiting for a response and your delay impacts their ability to make decisions and move forward.  In short, it reflects badly on you.

Except in one situation.

When you receive a nasty email/text/vm, then - AND ONLY THEN - should you wait to respond.  You know the kinds of emails I am describing: emails/texts/vm that have an aggressive, accusatory tone or that are mean and just plain ugly.  If an email/text/vm gets YOU upset, angry and worked up, it probably falls into this category.

Here's 3 reasons you should wait:

1. Waiting all you time to calm down and be less emotional.

Emotional responses are deadly.  Even if the message you received is inflammatory, the last thing you want to do is respond in kind.  You need to take the higher ground and act in a professional manner.  In the end, acting unprofessionally only hurts you long-term

2. Waiting gives you time to gather information and process it

While you are calming down, you can use that time to gather more information.  Ask colleagues questions about the situation.  Why did the person get so upset?  Did you do something wrong? Is someone else involved that you should loop in and get their perspectives? Learn as much as you can before responding.

3. Everything looks better in the morning

After waiting, you will feel better and have more information in order to respond in a professional manner. You will be in a better frame of mind to review the message and analyze it from a more objective point of view.  And who knows, you might even agree.

When responding to an accusatory email/text/vm, I suggest following 4 these steps:

1. Do it live - on the phone - whenever possible.  

Hearing your voice and calm tone will help diffuse the situation. If at all possible, avoid a twitter war!

2. Acknowledge receipt of the message and letting the other person know you were investigating their claims and learning as much as you can.  

You should let them know you took the accusation seriously and want to resolve it quickly and professionally.

3. Recognize and affirm the other person's feelings.  

Steps 1 and 2 will help to disarm the other person and encourage them to collaborate with you to solve the problem, rather than attack you.

4. Detail the steps you are taking (or took) to review their claim and resolve the situation.  

You may have a proposed solution at this time or you may still be investigating.  If you are still researching the right way to handle the situation, let that person know and let he/she know when you will be able to provide an update.  Ask that person if he/she has any additional information to provide to help you resolve the situation.

The GOAL: Turn that person from an attacker and accuser to a collaborator.  Help them know you are on their side and want to resolve the situation as much as they do.